after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
