There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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