Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
