I am puke
"it" just moved
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
