you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
