You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
