I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
