I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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