Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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