well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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