she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
