so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
