bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
