Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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