So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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