haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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