is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
