Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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