You smell like stripper and shame
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
