I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
