some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
