He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize