Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
