if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
