I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize