so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize