take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
