Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
