i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize