The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
