you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
