I hope mine doesn't look like that
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
