I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I deserve this hangover.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
