he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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