sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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