The maid of honor just puked.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
