a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize