I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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