i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
