New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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