Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
