you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
