i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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