In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
