hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
