What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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