No stitches, just platelets and will power
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
