Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
