Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
