Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
