When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
