Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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