He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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