drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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