Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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