Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
