remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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