Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
