It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
