Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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