question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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