Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
