ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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