The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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