I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
