I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
