a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
