Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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