so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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