1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the day after is always just damage control
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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