can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
